Help ! I’m a Christian get me out of here!
Confession is a major hurdle for anyone caught up in sin, especially sexual sin. This is probably the biggest stumbling block for most people seeking true and lasting freedom from pornography. They are happy to confess their sins against the Lord 1 John 1 6 but when they have sinned against others James 5:16 such as their spouse in the form of Pornography, adultery, cyber-sex, chat-rooms etc these sins must also be confessed to disarm the enemy.
– time to disarm the enemy –
The reason we need to confess to our spouses is because we are one before God through marriage, we are one flesh in His presence Matt 19 5-6. What affects me- my spirit – also effects my wife – her spirit. Confessing to your wife is also a way of keeping you humble and vulnerable rather than living with an attitude of simply getting away with it. Hidden sin eats us up from the inside Psalm 32:3-4 and keeps us powerless to fight back. It also breaks the chain of lies and deception that we have nurtured up to this point. Sin thrives in darkness and layers on the guilt, shame and condemnation. Once the light of truth is shone, all it can do is wither up and die like fungus.
On my own journey this was the most difficult decision that I ever had to make, confessing to my wife about my secret life. I have experienced Psalm 32 in my life and felt the effects of verses 3-4 and it is not a very pleasant experience. I had confessed all to the Lord but He wanted more. I knew that I wasn’t completely out of the pit until my wife was brought into the picture. I fought and wrestled and tried to compromise with the Lord but His prompting was clear, the weight of His hand wasn’t lifting off me until I made my confession. I had set so many dates and prayed over this confession for weeks hoping that the Lord would relent and change His mind, but that never happened.
So how do you walk up and approach your wife or husband about your sordid past? Well I had two choices. Would I be faithful like Jacob and obey straight away or run like Jonah? Pride would like to say that I obeyed with faith like Jacob but the truth was I was running scared and frightened to death of the impact that this was going to have on my wife, my marriage and my kids – the whole works. To be honest, family life could only have gotten better, the climate at home was rock bottom, stress, rows and arguments were daily, the pressure and tension my wife was living through was incredible. The kids were constantly upset, we lived in a home full of strife and all of this was caused by my involvement in pornography.
I would come home from work happy enough, but the moment I stepped in the house it all went pear-shaped. You have to understand that if you are using your home for ungodly practices, what you are doing is removing the spiritual covering of the Holy Spirit and inviting unclean spirits in to rule the nest instead. Satan will always go after the authority at home and in the church. So, since I was the covering for my family I was the main target. I also want to mention that our home was thick and heavy with a tangible spirit of disorder, nobody felt at peace. There was always strife and can I add that it only happened when I was around because I was the one out of God’s covering. What I put my family through! They experienced shear hell and torment because I chose pornography over them. I was selfish and I chose to look after my own pleasures, desires and needs. I neglected theirs and almost paid dearly for it.
– zero hour had arrived –
So the time came to confess, the Lord drew the line in the sand for me and He wasn’t wasting any more time on my lack of faith. I knew that had I backed out I would never have had rest or closure and had I never trusted the Lord, He wouldn’t have trusted me with this ministry. I was scared, totally flaking out, still pleading with God up to the last moment, seeking a reprieve but that never happened. What did happen next was strange, when I did take the leap of faith, He gave me His peace and strength to start the confession. I now wanted to confess to honour Him. I had my cake and ate it, now it was time to pay the price for my past. I confessed and left the rest to the Lord, the situation was out of my control. I had no influence as to how it would turn out and how my wife would react or behave but through it there was peace, God was honoured and glorified on my part, now the healing and restoration process in my wife’s life was His job. I had handed to God the release that He needed to operate through by finally trusting Him and His word.
At the time, I seriously couldn’t understand as to why I had to confess to my wife but He was looking at the bigger picture Pro 28:13. Confession neutralized pornography’s hold over my life. It gave me more than a sense of just getting away with it. I now appreciate the damage that it had caused and how I was totally manipulated by it. For the first time I was able to listen to my wife and share her pain, experiencing first-hand the amount of hurt this had caused – it was a humbling experience and it didn’t sound like me at all. The Lord formed a united front in our home against this evil, my weakness was exposed. The demonic were stripped of their legal rights to torment our family home and now they had to go in the name of Jesus.
Family life had a 18O degree turn around, no longer is there stress, strife, tension, rows or arguments but peace, joy, harmony, happiness, laughter and a firm presence of the Holy Spirit, so much that folk who visit often compliment about the sense of peace and Holy Spirit presence. If I had confessed only to the Lord, my sins would have still been forgiven and that would be closure for me, but His job would only be half completed because I would have robbed God from the rest of His glory in the healing that was about to follow. My family would have been left confused, bitter and critical, still trying to figure out what the last 15 years were about as I moved on in freedom. But because I was faithful and finally followed His prompting, He was able to work through my wife and kids to bring total healing to the home.
What I have learned through this is that confession is not about YOU. Sin and pornography affects everybody around you and deep healing needs to be done. Because of the soul-ties that we have formed with our loved ones, they still feel the consequences of our actions and need to be included in the healing process.
To start the process click here for Confession prayer
– Lessons that I have learned –
- Obey the prompting of God, Don’t be putting it off.
- Confess your fears to God.
- Consider asking your Pastor to be there.
- Pray what to say, for the right time and place to say it, pray for an outpouring of grace.
- Share the details, be honest about who or what was involved, when it took place how often and how long it lasted.
- Answer all questions, but avoid the sordid details – we don’t want to glorify evil any more.
- Accept their hurt and anger – don’t get defensive or put the blame back onto them, after all it is your mess that caused it all.
- Confess and leave it to God, He is in control now.
Gen 3x – Stop Watching Pornography
“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3