If this 3rd fruit of the spirit was more evident in marriage, the fabric of families would not be so easily torn apart by the peace-thief who causes conflict daily through things like parenting, money, sex, personality differences, unconfessed sin, stress, frustration and so much more. So many couples are hurting deeply because they have not yet learned how to find and apply God’s peace to their marriage.
Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9
Unfortunately too many couples are intent on being peacekeepers instead of being peacemakers. So many times I’ve heard the saying “The least said, the easier mended”, which can be good advice when we are feeling angry and bitter. At these times we are better to speak less and think more until we have calmed down because we cannot take back hurtful words spoken in anger.
However, God tells us we are to “declare…all the counsel of God” Acts 20:27 and to “do so in love” Eph 4:15. This means we have to speak up, in love, to our spouses, and tell them everything God wants them to know as revealed in His will, and to do so in love.
I was once a “peacekeeper” instead of a “peacemaker” because I would smooth things over in order to avoid conflict. I hoped difficult conversations would just go away, I avoided all confrontation. Unfortunately, because I was like this, I would allow things to build up inside me which then caused a lack of peace and eventually turn into bitterness and inner anger. What I achieved was a temporary cover up but not true peace.
A peacemaker, however, will work through the problem, confronting the issue until a resolve or compromise is achieved. In order to be a peacemaker, we need to continually yield to God’s Spirit as a result of our relationship with Jesus. So when there is stress, frustration, tension, trouble arising in your marriage, you need to choose to bring it to God first in prayer. Sometimes a quick, “God, help me and give me peace by your Spirit.” is all we may have time for and as you whisper that prayer, God will give you what you need in that heated moment. Talk to Him right now for transformation in your marriage, tell Him those things that are causing conflict and ask Him to help you, as you do so, you are allowing the Holy Spirit to strengthen you with God’s peace.
“To be spiritually minded is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)
Remember how Jesus could sleep through a storm, totally trusting in God. Peace is a calm state of mind, resting in God’s care, not upset by the chaos around us. Jesus told us that the world offers no real peace because it is ruled by the god of this world, Satan. Only an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ can bring real peace. “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)
It is essential to stay focused on God and the truth of His Word, trusting Him. “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3)
Keep trusting Him and you will have peace which transcends all understanding. Philippians 4:6-7