Do you have what it takes?
Question: How do you put the trust and harmony back into the family home and marriage after your lured lifestyle has come to light?
Answer: YOU DON’T! You couldn’t muster up the power/guts to stop viewing pornography in the first place, so what makes you think that you can put it all together again?
– Pornography will never replace your wife –
When you eventually find yourself in this situation and you will, either through confession or exposure, you will want to limit the damage and do what you think is best for everybody involved. This is where a steep learning curve comes into your life whether you like it or not. As we have learned already, submission to Jesus, confession to those whom we have hurt through pornography and repentance to God, are the first steps in a long healing process – and how long is the process? Well that depends on you, it depends on how much of you, you are willing to sacrifice and hand over to God. He can only deal with the issue’s that you are prepared to face up too.
Your marriage, your kids, your home, your business and everything associated with you is now at stake. The atmosphere and tension at home is heavy and thick so do you fold, cave in and take it to Jack Daniels or do you seek the Lord and let Him pull you out?
Pornography can never and will never replace any wife, no matter how good or bad you may think she is. So now’s the time to rip up your season ticket, sell your golf clubs, sink the rod, park the bike and just be there for her. Your marriage is you’re first and foremost concern, you can cry and whinge that Satan is attacking your marriage and causing conflict, but if you haven’t made it the first priority in your life then you have allowed the enemy to come in and cause conflict. A lot of church leaders will say there has to be a bit of compromise and you need your free time and space to unwind, well if we are to be to our wives as Jesus is to his bride the church, then we need to be there for her. Has Christ ever taken time out from His Bride to watch the match, go fishing or play golf? Does Christ ever come to burden His Bride with His problems or concerns? No! He goes straight to His Father. So likewise, there is no blame game here – you go straight to Jesus to sort out the mess that you’re in.
– be thankful through trials –
There’s no point in acting like nothing has happened. Life will be a struggle for everybody involved since your secrets have been exposed. The fallout will affect everybody. Your wife will feel as if she is living in a nightmare, a shattered life with all hopes and plans robbed, feeling deceived, bitter, let down, robbed, betrayed. You will never know or understand the hurt and turmoil that you have plunged her into, so don’t be feeling too sorry for yourself, you were drawing your wisdom and knowledge from another source. Now’s the time to throw yourself at the Lord’s feet and wait there until He prompts your next move. The Holy Spirit was faithful, He will have given you enough warnings and promptings to your spirit in the past, but you refused to heed them. Be thankful that this has come into the light – this is a second chance that Christ is giving you to become a new man, the other option was spending an eternity in hell or losing your inheritance in heaven.
Now that the Lord has finally gotten your attention – the real work is ready to begin. He will be faithful to lead you daily through this very tough time, it was never Christ’s will that you end up where you are – that was your decision, but one thing’s for sure, Jesus will be relentless in His pursuit to get you out of this mess and heal your wife’s broken heart. Men you need to be taking ownership of this situation and stand your ground. No amount of guilt can make you be mister nice guy forever. God has to be in the process. Now that the pornography has been exposed it’s time to cut it out of your life completely along with all your other distractions, everything that would hinder your recovery (check out the Quitters check list).
– be the man –
Men, are you the spiritual covering for your family? Well are you going to stand by and let pornography slap your children around as it has slapped you around? Our sons need to have their sexuality confirmed by their dads. Listen, if he doesn’t hear these words “I love you son” from his dad he may spend the rest of his life trying to prove his manhood by living recklessly, drinking heavily, driving manly vehicles, looking macho – all pumped up, living dangerously with extreme sports or sleeping with as many women as possible to assert his manhood and identity. This is where pornography and masturbation plays its part, because it keeps him locked into an unreality world that keeps his mistaken idea of manhood alive.
Our daughters also need daddy to give them that loving reassurance as well, providing a loving protective atmosphere which allows them to flourish naturally. Not somebody who has abused them and lets them out of the house to all hours of the night. How many young girls with empty love tanks have turned to hormone-fuelled young men, seeking nurture, love and affection that has been denied by an emotionally absent father? The statistics for under age pregnancies can back this up.
The worst thing that any family can have in the home is an emotionally absent father. Now this doesn’t mean that he is a bad father – he may supply the basics in life – like food, warmth, shelter, and clothing or lavish everyone in the family with materialism, but basic human loving contact, one on one bonding fatherly love and affection is absent. That’s what moulds us into adults. If that’s missing you could well be running around on an empty love tank yourself and addictions will be queuing up to fill it – especially pornography.
Guys, you have the opportunity to guide your kids away from where you are now. Pornography changes a heart of flesh into a heart of stone, tender feelings into sheets of steel and turns love into abuse. You will never realise this until the Holy Spirit reveals just how much you have changed. It’s been said that the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother, by this he sets a healthy model for his children to see, the masculine presence, respecting and honouring the feminine presence in the family.
Jesus didn’t come to rule with an iron fist. He came to serve with humility and love, so this should be your starting point on re-birthing your marriage and family. You should no longer be spending hours with pornography or other leisurely pastime pursuits, so that means you will have plenty of time to invest in your forgotten family. Investing means more than giving your family what they want or taking your kids to church once a week. It’s letting them know that you are also under authority, that you have made mistakes and that things can and will change for the better. It’s having family prayer time and godly discussion on what everyone watches and listens to, family accountability. As you start to serve your family with a renewed love what you are doing is this, you are disciplining yourself, your wife and everyone around with Christ’s love and image. Click here for Be the Man payer
Gen3x – Are you hooked on Porn?
“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3