Gen3x

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Fruits of the Spirit – Joy!

Do you remember that little Sunday School Chorus?joyful child

I’ve got that joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart

Where?

down in my heart

Where?

down in my heart!

I’ve got that joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, down in my heart to stay!

It’s so easy to sing that as a child, with none of the cares of the world on our shoulders, but as we get older, it is not so easy to sing those words through heart breaks and trials and really mean them.  Wouldn’t it be amazing to be full of joy in a world which is fearful, full of worry and discouragement.

In John 15v11, Jesus said to His disciples, “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full”

Being joyful, is not the same as being happy, because happiness is an emotion and God does not want us to live by our emotions all the time.  True joy comes from being in an intimate relationship with your Abba Father. He is the channel through which all the fruits are given, and when we abide in Him, we will produce pure joy.  Jesus says in John 15:5 –  “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit”  – this includes “full joy”, it is the second on the list of the fruits of the spirit.

In the Bible, (KJV) “joy” appears 158 times. God loves a joyful heart. So many of us have looked on God as being very serious, judgemental, solemn and even angry. Many religious people are like this and go around with serious faces all the time.  However, supreme joy is God’s nature and character!  It is everywhere we turn around, birds singing in the trees, new born lambs leaping in the fields, beautiful flowers blossoming, streams trickling and even the rays of sunshine, or the colourful rainbow when it rains!  God “gives us richly all things to enjoy” 1 Timothy 6:17

JoyThe word “rejoice” also appears 198 times in the KJV of the Bible, which means to feel or have joy. Philippians 4:4 says “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!”  

Because we have Jesus as our rock, joy will continue to flow through us even during suffering, because we know this is limited to our short lives and soon “there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying” Revelation 21:4.  

So, “Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven” Matthew 5:11-12

As Christians, we have much to be joyful for, we are sons and daughters of the King of Kings, we are going to live with Him for eternity.  So I urge you, when you are feeling low or like no-one cares, as a little child, go to your Daddy who waits for you with arms wide open, then  “Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full!”  John 16:24

I pray that your “joy may be full” in every circumstance.

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Confession

 Help ! I’m a Christian get me out of here!

Confession is a major hurdle for anyone caught up in sin, especially sexual sin. This is probably the biggest stumbling block for most people seeking true and lasting freedom from pornography. They are happy to confess their sins against the Lord 1 John 1 6 but when they have sinned against others James 5:16 such as their spouse in the form of Pornography, adultery, cyber-sex, chat-rooms etc  these sins must also be confessed to disarm the enemy.

– time to disarm the enemy –

The reason we need to confess to our spouses is because we are one before God through marriage, we are one flesh in His presence Matt 19 5-6.  What affects me- my spirit – also effects my wife – her spirit. Confessing to your wife is also a way of keeping you humble and vulnerable rather than living with an attitude of simply getting away with it. Hidden sin eats us up from the inside  Psalm 32:3-4 and keeps us powerless to fight back. It also breaks the chain of lies and deception that we have nurtured up to this point. Sin thrives in darkness and layers on the guilt, shame and condemnation.  Once the light of truth is shone, all it can do is wither up and die like fungus.

On my own journey this was the most difficult decision that I ever had to make, confessing to my wife about my secret life.  I have experienced Psalm 32 in my life and felt the effects of verses 3-4 and it is not a very pleasant experience. I had confessed all to the Lord but He wanted more. I knew that I wasn’t completely out of the pit until my wife was brought into the picture. I fought and wrestled and tried to compromise with the Lord but His prompting was clear, the weight of His hand wasn’t lifting off me until I made my confession. I had set so many dates and prayed over this confession for weeks hoping that the Lord would relent and change His mind, but that never happened.

So how do you walk up and approach your wife or husband about your sordid past? Well I had two choices. Would I be faithful like Jacob and obey straight away or run like Jonah? Pride would like to say that I obeyed with faith like Jacob but the truth was I was running scared and frightened to death of the impact that this was going to have on my wife, my marriage and my kids – the whole works. To be honest, family life could only have gotten better, the climate at home was rock bottom, stress, rows and arguments were daily, the pressure and tension my wife was living through was incredible.  The kids were constantly upset, we lived in a home full of strife and all of this was caused by my involvement in pornography.

I would come home from work happy enough, but the moment I stepped in the house it all went pear-shaped. You have to understand that if you are using your home for ungodly practices, what you are doing is removing the spiritual covering of the Holy Spirit and inviting unclean spirits in to rule the nest instead. Satan will always go after the authority at home and in the church.  So, since I was the covering for my family I was the main target.  I also want to mention that our home was thick and heavy with a tangible spirit of disorder, nobody felt at peace. There was always strife and can I add that it only happened when I was around because I was the one out of God’s covering.  What I put my family through! They experienced shear hell and torment because I chose pornography over them. I was selfish and I chose to look after my own pleasures, desires and needs. I neglected theirs and almost paid dearly for it.

– zero hour had arrived –

So the time came to confess, the Lord drew the line in the sand for me and He wasn’t wasting any more time on my lack of faith. I knew that had I backed out I would never have had rest or closure and had I never trusted the Lord, He wouldn’t have trusted me with this ministry. I was scared, totally flaking out, still pleading with God up to the last moment, seeking a reprieve but that never happened. What did happen next was strange, when I did take the leap of faith, He gave me His peace and strength to start the confession. I now wanted to confess to honour Him. I had my cake and ate it, now it was time to pay the price for my past. I confessed and left the rest to the Lord, the situation was out of my control. I had no influence as to how it would turn out and how my wife would react or behave but through it there was peace, God was honoured and glorified on my part, now the healing and restoration process in my wife’s life was His job. I had handed to God the release that He needed to operate through by finally trusting Him and His word.

At the time, I seriously couldn’t understand as to why I had to confess to my wife but He was looking at the bigger picture Pro 28:13. Confession neutralized pornography’s hold over my life. It gave me more than a sense of just getting away with it. I now appreciate the damage that it had caused and how I was totally manipulated by it.  For the first time I was able to listen to my wife and share her pain, experiencing first-hand the amount of hurt this had caused – it was a humbling experience and it didn’t sound like me at all.  The Lord formed a united front in our home against this evil, my weakness was exposed. The demonic were stripped of their legal rights to torment our family home and now they had to go in the name of Jesus.

Family life had a 18O degree turn around, no longer is there stress, strife, tension, rows or arguments but peace, joy, harmony, happiness, laughter and a firm presence of the Holy Spirit, so much that folk who visit often compliment about the sense of peace and Holy Spirit presence. If I had confessed only to the Lord, my sins would have still been forgiven and that would be closure for me, but His job would only be half completed because I would have robbed God from the rest of His glory in the healing that was about to follow. My family would have been left confused, bitter and critical, still trying to figure out what the last 15 years were about as I moved on in freedom. But because I was faithful and finally followed His prompting, He was able to work through my wife and kids to bring total healing to the home.

What I have learned through this is that confession is not about YOU.  Sin and pornography affects everybody around you and deep healing needs to be done. Because of the soul-ties that we have formed with our loved ones, they still feel the consequences of our actions and need to be included in the healing process.

To start the process click here for Confession prayer

– Lessons that I have learned –

  1. Obey the prompting of God, Don’t be putting it off.
  2. Confess your fears to God.
  3. Consider asking your Pastor to be there.
  4. Pray what to say, for the right time and place to say it, pray for an outpouring of grace.
  5. Share the details, be honest about who or what was involved, when it took place how often and how long it lasted.
  6. Answer all questions, but avoid the sordid details – we don’t want to glorify evil any more.
  7. Accept their hurt and anger – don’t get defensive or put the blame back onto them, after all it is your mess that caused it all.
  8. Confess and leave it to God, He is in control now.

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Gen 3x – Stop Watching Pornography

“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3

 

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The Quitters check-list

What’s hindering you from running your race?

Here is a checklist to help you destroy all sources of porn in your life. The effectiveness of this check list depends on your actions and wiliness to succeed.

Sexual immorality is idolatry. “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry” col. 3:5.

How are we to treat idols? “This is what you are to do to them: Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones, cut down their Asherah poles, and burn their idols in the fire” Deut. 7:5.

– Are you ready to start? – Good –

  • Tell someone that you intend to destroy all sources of, and access to, your pornography, and to take serious preventative measures. Share your plan with this person and ask this person to follow up on your plan. We recommend sharing with another man in whom it is safe to confide. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”  27v17. You may also wish to confide in a Pastor. Remember that you are not alone. This is a very widespread struggle and there is help available!
  • With complete reckless abandon, scour your house and DESTROY all porn. (This means actual destruction as in DESTROYED. It does not mean giving it to your buddies or friends or leaving it so someone else can find it, even by accident at the dump. Many men have stumbled across pornography after someone else got rid of without completely destroying it.)
  • Choose a destruction method so the materials can no longer be used for their intended purpose, and cannot be repaired. Paper shredders are now relatively inexpensive and can be purchased at office supply stores. If you have a fireplace, you can burn them. Use caution if you are burning VCR tapes, or anything toxic. You need to breathe fresh air. Make sure you have good ventilation and your flue is open so you don’t smoke up your home.

– Take these same actions if you store porn in storage or somewhere else other than your home –

  • Destroy credit cards that facilitate the use of pornography
  • Destroy video rental cards
  • Destroy photos that remind you of encounters.
  • Destroy business cards that remind you of a past you wish to leave.
  • Cut off your access to those people that you have been in affairs and unhealthy relationships with.
  • Destroy the following items in your home or outside your home
  • Magazines
  • VCR tapes
  • DVD’s (break with a hammer, or scratch repeatedly with 25 grit sandpaper)
  • Burn printed images of any kind
  • Books that support sinful behaviour of any sort – tear up by the spine of the book.
  • Posters – shred into pieces
  • Sex toys (if this applies).
  • Lust-inducing magazines (Maxim, Nuts, Zoo, FHM, etc)
  • All swimsuit and lingerie pictures, catalogues, and magazines.
  • Written materials or written records of websites or sources where you have found porn.
  • Clothes that support or promote the pornography, that have graphic pictures, words, etc., or other features that do not help you.
  • Personal items that remind you of a life that you wish to leave.
  • Other items not listed here that support your habit:
  • Note that you morally cannot throw out something that belongs to someone else. If your wife has lingerie catalogues, you can ask her to get rid of them or keep them out of sight. If you have a roommate that keeps porn and doesn’t want to give it up, you can (and almost certainly should) move out.

– Now, for your computer and computer related activity apply the following steps: –

  • Take your computer and put it in FULL VIEW in the most occupied place in your home!!! (Pornography thrives in the dark – Get your computer out of the shadows!)
  • Go through your computer completely and destroy all pornographic or lustful images you have saved. DO NOT back up these files – erase them
  • Use a good software program to scrub your computer’s hard drive of all pornographic image.
  • Delete bookmarks to porn sites and all inappropriate web sites. (These are listed as “Favourites” in Microsoft Internet Explorer and as “Bookmarks” in Netscape Navigator and Mozilla Firefox.) Delete all references to pornography.
  • Delete any websites you have created.
  • Delete all accounts to pornographic web sites
  • Delete all inappropriate online computer subscriptions
  • Delete all inappropriate email addresses from your computer or online email
  • Delete email accounts you used to receive questionable material
  • Remove yourself from inappropriate e-mail lists. If you cannot get out of them, change your e-mail address
  • Delete computer screen savers with lustful images or inappropriate materials
  • Delete inappropriate backgrounds (the picture(s) your computer has at the desktop).
  • Delete all software that supports your habit in any fashion whatsoever, including archiving software or scan-inventory software
  • Reformat all external disk drives where you have stored pornographic/lustful images. (This includes external hard drives, thumb drives, zip disks, floppy disks, etc.)
  • Destroy computer CD’s and DVD’s
  • Destroy or reformat any other electronic storage media containing pornographic or lustful images
  • Delete any files containing records of websites or sources where you have found porn
  • Now cut off access to pornographic images over the internet:
  • Also do not delude yourself by thinking you can view “safer” images or web sites. There is no such thing as a “safer” site. You must admit that you are deluding yourself with these “safer sites,” so you and you alone have the responsibility to do something about this little sneaky/peaky game that leads you to something worse. This is like an alcoholic saying “I won’t drink, I’ll just lick the outside of this glass of rum.
  • Remove Cable TV channels that show “adult” movies (Satellite , etc.) Or if your family must have these channels, use the blocking feature to remove access to porn. Let someone else have the password.

– don’t let up! Keep up the pressure –

  • Call your phone company and place a block.
  • End magazine subscriptions that fuel your slavery.
  • End subscriptions to all inappropriate material including
  • Magazines
  • Movies and videos
  • Catalogues that are inappropriate for you. (Yes, including Ann Summers, Victoria’s Secret.)
  • Books and any other material that fuel your slavery.
  • Remove bumper stickers on your cars that remind you of a lifestyle you wish to leave behind
  • Replace the car-scent thing that hangs in your car with one without graphic pictures
  • Remove all the images from your locker at the gym
  • Change your dining and entertainment routines so that you are not exposed to temptation. (This can mean different things for different people.)
  • If you have let pornography replace your wife, restore yourself with your wife and do whatever is necessary to end the wrong relationship. Get guidance from a pastor or close friend who has a lot of integrity
  • When staying at hotels, tell the front desk to authorize the adult channels or ask them to remove the television from the room.
  • When travelling, cut off access to internet service unless expressly required for your work. (Try to arrange for filtered internet or accountability in some form.)
  • When travelling, make arrangements with your wife or a friend with integrity and call when you arrive at the hotel. Let them know you are not going to the wrong places. Be honest
  • Only take with you enough money for travel or lunch and keep all receipts to show to your wife or friends, hand over all your credit/ visa cards you will get them when needed
  • Change your route home from work if it involves going past red light areas or places where you may be tempted
  • Make a commitment NOT TO RETURN to your past
  • Maintain this by finding someone to be accountable to so that you will not slip back to old ways.
  • LASTLY, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY – Develop a spiritual hunger for God – the closer you draw to God, the less and less you will want porn.

The above list is a very proactive way of staying ahead of the things that will cause you to fall. Simply following this list will help you in your daily struggle to crucify the flesh, which in turn will free you to concentrate on the Battle for the mind, for more help also check out Dressed to kill.  click here for The Quitters check-list prayer

 

Gen 3x – Encouraging Believers to Quit Pornography

“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3

 

 

 

 

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God is bigger than your mistakes

 Repentance

What was the biggest mistake you ever made? No matter how badly you think you’ve blown it, others have made bigger mistakes and the Bible is a testimony to that. Think what David, Job, Isaiah, Peter and the Prodigal son all did. Repentance from sin is not a matter of lip service, a onetime deal or a casual attitude. Sin has no limits, so that means it’s a daily walk turning away completely from our old nature each and every day.

 

– Repentance is not about you –

Everyone who was restored in the bible was conscious with how they had grieved the Father’s heart and in turn felt the sorrow of a sinful nature that offends a holy God. The understanding and knowledge of repentance releases the gift of fruit in our lives.

If you have truly repented from your behaviour, God’s grace will cover up all your weaknesses 2 Cor 12:9 and bad decisions. God is bigger than your greatest mistakes, bigger than your foolishness, bigger than your sins, bigger than the messes you have left along the road which you have chosen up to now. Repentance isn’t just a matter of turning away from sin, it also involves a change of mind that results in a change of action.

Evangelist Lester Roloff puts it like this, “Real repentance is putting your trust in Jesus Christ so you will not live like that anymore. Departing from a sinful lifestyle is a matter of appreciation for what the Lord has done for us obeying God as His children and not as a condition of saving faith”.

Charles Spurgeon – “Just now some professedly Christian teachers are misleading many by saying that ‘repentance is only a change of mind.’ It is true that the original word does convey the idea of a change of mind; but the whole teaching of Scripture concerning the repentance which is not to be repented of is that it is a much more radical and complete change than is implied by our common phrase about changing one’s mind. The repentance that does not include sincere sorrow for sin is not the saving grace that is wrought by the Holy Spirit. God-given repentance makes men grieve in their inmost souls over the sin they have committed, and works in them a gracious hatred of evil in every shape and form. ‘Repentance is to leave the sin we loved before, and show that we in earnest grieve by doing so no more’”

– Worldly sorrow vs Godly sorrow –

Have you ever noticed that those who have truly repented and received complete forgiveness are usually open and forthright about their past sin?     They are the men and women who have experienced the gift of repentance and worked it into their lifestyle. They are the ones who can stand up unashamed and publicly share the testimonies of their lives as alcoholics, adulterers, thieves, drug addicts, murderers etc, they have the right to boast about how they once lived and the joy to proclaim how they now live through the transforming power and grace of Jesus Christ. No confession would be credible without true repentance.  Repentance is the recognition of your sinfulness towards God. Repentance is not throwing a pity party after being found out for what you were up to and running around trying to look all meek and humble, that equals worldly sorrow or poor me. Godly sorrow is not wanting God to suffer while He watches as you continually indulge in a rebellious lifestyle.  click here for Repentance prayer

 

 Repentance is a gift from God 2 Timothy 2 25,  God leads you to repentance Romans 2v4,  Repentance bears fruit Matthew 3:8,  God is watching and waiting for repentance Luke 15,  Repentance brings recovery Matthew 7v5,  Repentance brings restoration Job 42

Gen 3x – Helping Christian’s Overcome Pornography

“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3

 

 

 

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Do you have what it takes to be the man?

Do you have what it takes?

 

Question:  How do you put the trust and harmony back into the family home and marriage after your lured lifestyle has come to light?

Answer:  YOU DON’T!  You couldn’t muster up the power/guts to stop viewing pornography in the first place, so what makes you think that you can put it all together again?

– Pornography will never replace your wife –

When you eventually find yourself in this situation and you will, either through confession or exposure, you will want to limit the damage and do what you think is best for everybody involved. This is where a steep learning curve comes into your life whether you like it or not. As we have learned already, submission to Jesus, confession to those whom we have hurt through pornography and repentance to God, are the first steps in a long healing process – and how long is the process? Well that depends on you, it depends on how much of you, you are willing to sacrifice and hand over to God. He can only deal with the issue’s that you are prepared to face up too.

Your marriage, your kids, your home, your business and everything associated with you is now at stake. The atmosphere and tension at home is heavy and thick so do you fold, cave in and take it to Jack Daniels or do you seek the Lord and let Him pull you out?

Pornography can never and will never replace any wife, no matter how good or bad you may think she is. So now’s the time to rip up your season ticket, sell your golf clubs, sink the rod, park the bike and just be there for her. Your marriage is you’re first and foremost concern, you can cry and whinge that Satan is attacking your marriage and causing conflict, but if you haven’t made it the first priority in your life then you have allowed the enemy to come in and cause conflict. A lot of church leaders will say there has to be a bit of compromise and you need your free time and space to unwind, well if we are to be to our wives as Jesus is to his bride the church, then we need to be there for her. Has Christ ever taken time out from His Bride to watch the match, go fishing or play golf?  Does Christ ever come to burden His Bride with His problems or concerns?  No! He goes straight to His Father. So likewise, there is no blame game here – you go straight to Jesus to sort out the mess that you’re in.

– be thankful through trials –

There’s no point in acting like nothing has happened.  Life will be a struggle for everybody involved since your secrets have been exposed. The fallout will affect everybody. Your wife will feel as if she is living in a nightmare, a shattered life with all hopes and plans robbed, feeling deceived, bitter, let down, robbed, betrayed. You will never know or understand the hurt and turmoil that you have plunged her into, so don’t be feeling too sorry for yourself, you were drawing your wisdom and knowledge from another source.  Now’s the time to throw yourself at the Lord’s feet and wait there until He prompts your next move.  The Holy Spirit was faithful, He will have given you enough warnings and promptings to your spirit in the past, but you refused to heed them. Be thankful that this has come into the light – this is a second chance that Christ is giving you to become a new man, the other option was spending an eternity in hell or losing your inheritance in heaven.

Now that the Lord has finally gotten your attention – the real work is ready to begin. He will be faithful to lead you daily through this very tough time, it was never Christ’s will that you end up where you are – that was your decision, but one thing’s for sure, Jesus will be relentless in His pursuit to get you out of this mess and heal your wife’s broken heart.  Men you need to be taking ownership of this situation and stand your ground. No amount of guilt can make you be mister nice guy forever. God has to be in the process. Now that the pornography has been exposed it’s time to cut it out of your life completely along with all your other distractions, everything that would hinder your recovery (check out the Quitters check list).

– be the man –

Men, are you the spiritual covering for your family?  Well are you going to stand by and let pornography slap your children around as it has slapped you around? Our sons need to have their sexuality confirmed by their dads. Listen, if he doesn’t hear these words “I love you son” from his dad he may spend the rest of his life trying to prove his manhood by living recklessly, drinking heavily, driving manly vehicles, looking macho – all pumped up, living dangerously with extreme sports or sleeping with as many women as possible to assert his manhood and identity.  This is where pornography and masturbation plays its part, because it keeps him locked into an unreality world that keeps his mistaken idea of manhood alive.

Our daughters also need daddy to give them that loving reassurance as well, providing a loving protective atmosphere which allows them to flourish naturally. Not somebody who has abused them and lets them out of the house to all hours of the night. How many young girls with empty love tanks have turned to hormone-fuelled young men, seeking nurture, love and affection that has been denied by an emotionally absent father? The statistics for under age pregnancies can back this up.

The worst thing that any family can have in the home is an emotionally absent father.  Now this doesn’t mean that he is a bad father – he may supply the basics in life – like food, warmth, shelter, and clothing or lavish everyone in the family with materialism, but basic human loving contact, one on one bonding fatherly love and affection is absent. That’s what moulds us into adults. If that’s missing you could well be running around on an empty love tank yourself and addictions will be queuing up to fill it – especially pornography.

Guys, you have the opportunity to guide your kids away from where you are now. Pornography changes a heart of flesh into a heart of stone, tender feelings into sheets of steel and turns love into abuse. You will never realise this until the Holy Spirit reveals just how much you have changed. It’s been said that the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother, by this he sets a healthy model for his children to see, the masculine presence, respecting and honouring the feminine presence in the family.

Jesus didn’t come to rule with an iron fist. He came to serve with humility and love, so this should be your starting point on re-birthing your marriage and family. You should no longer be spending hours with pornography or other leisurely pastime pursuits, so that means you will have plenty of time to invest in your forgotten family.  Investing means more than giving your family what they want or taking your kids to church once a week. It’s letting them know that you are also under authority, that you have made mistakes and that things can and will change for the better. It’s having family prayer time and godly discussion on what everyone watches and listens to, family accountability.  As you start to serve your family with a renewed love what you are doing is this, you are disciplining yourself, your wife and everyone around with Christ’s love and image. Click here for Be the Man payer

Gen3x –  Are you hooked on Porn?

“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3