Beauty For Ashes Archives - Page 6 of 8

April 10, 2013 By Janice

Are You Dwelling on Your Husband’s Sins?

BEAUTY FOR ASHES – HELP FOR A HURTING WIFE

DAY 16 – Are You Dwelling on your Husband’s Sins?

Matthew 7 3 – Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

When my husband first confessed to me about his struggle with pornography, I remember looking at him with shock and disgust. I actually went to the bathroom because I thought I was going to be physically sick. Obviously, I was feeling hurt, betrayed, angry and stupid because I’d been fooled and lied to all these years, which was a natural, immediate response to such news. However, instead of forgiving him and becoming united with him in order help him and to work it out between us, I began to feel sorry for myself. I was bitter for a long time and when I looked at my husband I would see him as a “bad” person and me as the victim.

I Was Wallowing in Self-Pity

I enrolled in an online course for spouses whose husbands were involved in pornography and I began to see that I, too, was sinning because I wasn’t letting go of the wrongs done to me and I was looking at my husband’s faults of viewing pornography (which was in the past by then) and his anger issues at that time, as being worse than my faults. I was judging him and I was not seeing my own bitterness and self-pity as a sin in God’s eyes. I refused to acknowledge that he was changing and was being set free from the emotional damage that his guilt had caused.

Remove the plank from your own eye and you will see much clearer

Ask God to Help You

I had to ask God to help me cast out the plank in my own eye in order to make me more clear-sighted, to be more sympathetic towards my husband’s past and present struggles at that time.

Focus on Your Own Shortcomings First

Jesus was very clear and straight about pointing out other people’s faults. He calls us all hypocrites when we condemn others. He said that other people’s faults are like a speck of dust compared to our faults which were like a wooden plank or board. Why is it, we can’t seem to diagnose our own faults, but yet it’s so easy to see everyone else’s?

This is not to say that our husbands don’t have faults, bad habits and sins. Like all of us, they do. Nor am I trying to make light of what he has done and how you have suffered from the repercussions of those sins. But despite that, God wants us to focus on our own faults first.

Start everyday with asking Jesus to illuminate your own faults and then asking for His help to fix them.

What is Your Motive for Pointing Out Your Husband’s Sin?

Is your motive to help him recover and get back in full fellowship with the Lord or is it to criticize and condemn him? Our motive should always be towards restoration and not condemnation or humiliation.

Of Course I get angry, but it’s only because of how he treats me!

If you say this, you are excusing your own sins by blaming them on your husband. Adam blamed Eve when God confronted him for sinning, but God did not accept his excuse, just like He will not accept ours. Every person is accountable for his/her own choices.

No matter what your husband does, or how he treats you, the Bible tells us we need to respond in a Christ-like manner. “Do not repay anyone evil for evil” and “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” Romans 12:17 & Romans 12:21.

But He’ll Take Advantage of Me!

Maybe you are afraid that if you focus on your own shortcomings, your husband will take advantage of this. It is possible, but most likely your change in attitude could inspire him to change too. Keep bringing your husband to God in prayer.

Spend some quiet time with God, asking Him to show you how to see more clearly and to respond in the way He would want you to respond.

Listen to your husband. Seek to truly understand his opinions and emotions. When you understand where he is coming from, look for ways to minister to him as you talk.

Do Not Allow Physical Abuse

You should never allow physical abuse. Be prepared to take action by contacting the Police or Social Services. Acts 25:10-11 tells us what to do in times like this.

Be Gentle!

If you start to point out your husband’s faults before removing the plank from your own eye, you will not see clearly and you will probably do more harm than good. Galatians 6:1 tells us “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.” After the plank is removed from your own eye, with God’s grace, you will be able to help your husband in a loving, courteous and respectful manner.

Jesus Showed us Grace and We Are to Be More Like Him

I didn’t really show much grace to my husband at first, I didn’t think he deserved it, but then did Jesus deserve to be whipped, beaten and crucified for me? He still loves me the same, even though I have failed him many times. I asked God to give me grace and a supernatural love and understanding for my husband. I began to see him in a new light, and we are both able to help each other get through our shortcomings.

God has restored all those years the locusts had eaten and I believe He will do the same for you too!

Beauty for Ashes

Gen3x – Helping wives of men involved to sexual impurity

April 3, 2013 By Janice

God will always use our trouble for someone else’s comfort

BEAUTY FOR ASHES – HELP FOR A HURTING WIFE

DAY 4 – God Will Use Our Troubles for Someone Else’s Comfort

2 CORINTHIANS 1v4 – He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

God Will Be With You Through the Hard Times

One night, as I read my Bible some years ago, I felt a stirring in my spirit as I read this verse. Tears began streaming down my face, I had butterflies in my tummy and my heart was pounding. This was the first time I ever felt God speaking to me and I really didn’t understand what was happening or what He was telling me. How could I comfort others? I was so caught up in all the strife that was going on around me and in my own problems, I couldn’t even imagine helping anyone else!

I didn’t know that about a year later my husband would reveal his secret struggle with pornography and shortly after I would be diagnosed with breast cancer. God knew, though, and He was preparing me for what lay ahead. He will always come alongside us as we go through hard times, and then He will bring us alongside someone else with similar problems so that we can be there for them also.

Give Thanks in All Circumstances

The apostle Paul, who wrote this book, always praised God through his pain, because he knew that God understood what he was going through. God comforts us through our pain, not just with a little ‘pat on the back type comfort’, but a deeper comfort which gives us help and hope. As a result of this, we can then comfort others going through the same experiences. If life was all fine and dandy and we never suffered anything, then how could we offer sincere understanding and comfort to others from a genuine heart that really knows and understands what that person is going through?

Seek Godly Counsel

I always kept my relationship with my husband private and told no-one of what was going on at home, so for 15 years, I never really experienced comfort from anyone about this until my husband confessed everything and advised me to go speak to a Christian about our situation. He also told me about a Christian website which God had led him to. I completed the Spouses course on the website which provided me with the opportunity to talk with other women who had been through the same as I had and it was such a comfort to know I was not alone and could share with them.

I Understand – I Really Do!

When I was going through cancer, people would come up to me and pat me on the back saying “I understand what you’re going through, it’ll be fine”. I would sometimes feel a bit annoyed. I know they all meant well and that I had probably done the same to someone else in the past, but unless you’ve gone through the same thing, there is no way you can honestly say that you understand. Now I can genuinely go up to another person diagnosed with cancer and tell them, from a heart that has been there and experienced the trauma they are facing and genuinely say “I understand what you’re going through”. Just like I can say to you right now, “I understand”, because I really do, I’ve been there too, I know what it’s like to feel hurt, betrayed, cheated and all the repercussions that come when our husbands are involved in pornography and I know, too, that God will carry you through when you place your trust in Him. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He has always been there for me and He will always be there for you too.

Comfort each other as God has comforted you

You Will be a Blessing to Other Women

God wastes nothing and He will use your circumstance to help others. Many women, all around the world, are going through the same situation as you are right now and I believe that one day, God will bring one of those women alongside you, so that you may be a blessing to her and comfort her in the same way He has comforted you. He sees the bigger picture and He will work all things together for your good and for the good of others.

Beauty for Ashes

Gen3x – Helping wives of men involved in sexual impurity

April 3, 2013 By Janice

Are you Hurting, Frightened and Feeling All Alone?

BEAUTY FOR ASHES – HELP FOR A HURTING WIFE

DAY 7 – Are Your Hurting, Frightened and Feeling Like You’re on Your Own?

JOHN 14 16 – And I will pray the Father, and He shall give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you for ever.

The Holy Spirit is our Daily Comforter and Always Will Be!

God loves you so much, He knows all that you are facing right now and that you cannot possibly do it in your own strength. God will never leave you without comfort, and as a Christian, the Holy Spirit is one of the most crucial and distinguishing characteristics you have been given as a wonderful gift from God. He will never leave you! He will never let you down! You can trust the Holy Spirit 100%

It is the Holy Spirit within us who gives us the strength to walk with God in a corrupt and dying world

When we feel we are surrounded with hatred – He loves us.

When all we can see is the negative circumstances – He encourages us.

When we are being lied to – He shows us the truth.

When there is fighting and strife in our marriage or our family – He gives us peace.

I Have Known the Holy Spirit as My Comforter

Many times in my own life, the Holy Spirit has been my Comforter. When I thought I couldn’t take any more, that I was destined to live a life full of hurt, betrayal, bitterness, fear and anxiety, I cried out “God help me, I don’t know what to do anymore!” The Holy Spirit led me to a “Father Heart of God” weekend at Church. The speaker was teaching on the spoken word and invited those who had negative words spoken over them to come up to the front, which I accepted. He walked along the line and he took both my hands in his, said nothing, just looked at me as I sobbed these huge, supernatural sobs from deep down in my spirit. I felt such a release. God’s Holy Spirit comforted me as I cried, like I never had before. I felt God’s presence sweep through my body, reaching down into my innermost being as he touched and bandaged all my wounded places and began to heal my wounded heart.

Hand It All Over

Yield yourself to the Holy Spirit and He will not only comfort, strengthen and restore you, but also use you as a comforter to others. You can be the vessel that the Holy Spirit uses to comfort and strengthen a discouraged, weak, lonely, bereaved or broken sister. You can enter into the very work of the Spirit Himself as a tool to be a comforter.

The Holy Spirit is like a big cosy blanket of comfort

When we think of the word “comfort”, we can think of a big cosy warm blanket to wrap up in on a cold winter’s night in front of a lovely open fire. Or maybe we think of someone who tries to make us feel better when we go through difficult times. The KJV describes the Holy Spirit as “another Comforter” which also means, “to come alongside with strength.” Another translation of the Bible says the Father will send “another Friend.”

So why don’t you allow the Holy Spirit to come alongside you and wrap His comfort around you like a big, cosy blanket of love and compassion, there is nothing on this earth that compares.

He is Your Best Friend

The comfort of the Holy Spirit is that you have a real and abiding Friend who loves you, a real Friend who will not abandon you in the midst of difficulty. He will encourage you and strengthen you right when you need it most. He is your Counsellor, like a friend who will take time to listen and hear your deepest concerns, offer you wise advice and provide help with difficult decisions. He will bring peace and comfort to you when you are sad and distressed. This is the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

You Need Him!

So why not ask Him right now to come alongside you, to comfort and guide you, to bring someone else into your path who will encourage you, or even someone else who needs your comfort and encouragement.

“It is not by might, nor by power but by my Spirit, says the Lord.” Zechariah 4 6

Beauty for Ashes

Gen3x – Helping wives of men who are involved in sexual sin

April 3, 2013 By Janice

Trust in God and He will deliver you from all your cares

BEAUTY FOR ASHES – HELP FOR A HURTING WIFE

DAY 3 – Trust in God and He Will Deliver You From All Your Cares

1 Peter 5v7 – Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you

Small Verse, Big Results

A small verse, but if we do what Peter says, and face life by trusting God we can be sure to receive big results. This verse taught me one of the most important lessons in my Christian life.

Another verse similar to this one is found in Psalm 55:22: Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.

Isn’t this a wonderful promise, and your answer to how to defeat the devil when he seeks to attack you? God has promised He will never let you fall. He holds tightly to your hand and will never let go. He cares about you, He is concerned about you but it is up to you to surrender ALL your fears and ALL your anxieties so that He will be able help you.

Don’t Let the Devil In!

Life is not always easy but when we worry, fret and forget to trust God, we bring stress into our lives and into our bodies. Sometimes we dwell on our fears and allow the devil to gain strongholds over our minds, we end up losing sleep, even making ourselves ill as we allow our fears to haunt and grip us. The devil loves to keep us in worry and fear and he will prey on our weaknesses, because this keeps us from reaching our full potential and the plans which God has for us.

Pray With Boldness

So how do we CAST all our anxieties on Him? I believe the only way to do this is to pray. The dictionary tells us that to “cast” is to throw, shed or propel something. The word “cast” is a strong, bold word and tells us here that we’re not just “giving” our cares to God, we’re throwing them to him, far away from ourselves, once and for all. We are privileged that God is asking us to “cast” all our anxieties on Him because He will bear them for us so that we don’t have to. When we worry, we are grieving God because we are not believing that He knows what is best and we are denying His love and care. We are not trusting God to deliver us from whatever is going on.

I Once Was Anxious and Fearful

Believe me, I know what it’s like to be gripped with fear and worry – for a long time I didn’t trust God to take control. I was riddled with anxiety and was a nervous wreck. I didn’t realise that I was sinning by being like this. I thought I was “entitled” to worry, after all, I was the victim here! God doesn’t want you to be like this, He wants you to live life to the full, Jesus came down to earth to give you life in abundance. Your freedom has been purchased with His precious blood, He didn’t waste one drop, so we shouldn’t either. Claim all that He has made available for you at the cross!

Hold Your Daddy’s Hand

A dear friend once put it very simply and asked me how I would feel if I was crossing a busy road with my daughter and she refused to hold my hand and just stepped out onto the road facing terrible danger. I would feel hurt and very sad that my child would not trust me to guide her across that busy road. This is how our Father feels when we refuse take His hand which is always outstretched towards us to help us through our life’s journey. It hurts Him when we try to do it all ourselves and He watches sadly as when we fail over and over again instead of holding onto Him. We need to allow God to deal with our “anxious care” in exchange for His unflinching love and “affectionate” care which is never ending. Reach up and take His hand today, He will never let go!

He Is Waiting For You

You have a loving Father who desires you to come to Him with all your shattered dreams, disillusionment, dashed hopes and fears. He understands all that you are going through. He is willing to release you of ALL your cares, and take the care of you upon Himself. He feels your pain and your sadness. He cares for you so much that He has already made the ultimate sacrifice by taking all your pain, your shame and your worries on His own body so you don’t have to.

God Will Supernaturally Transform Your Husband

I no longer live in fear about what may happen tomorrow. I know that this is not of my own doing. I had to allow God to take control and when I did this, He supernaturally transformed my marriage, my husband and me. God did the impossible for us, He will for you too!

Beauty for Ashes

Gen 3x – Helping wives of men involved in sexual impurity

April 3, 2013 By Janice

God hears you and will answer your prayers

BEAUTY FOR ASHES – HELP FOR A HURTING WIFE

DAY 6 – God Hears You and Will Answer Your Prayers

JOHN 14 12 – And whatever you ask in My Name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son

God Does Not Lie

This is a mighty promise! Whatever you ask in the name of Jesus will be done, so that the Father is glorified! Do you believe this? I didn’t really believe that God would give me what He promised, I thought that either I wasn’t good enough, or that this only happened to other people, not me. I remember someone telling me that if I didn’t believe a promise like this, then I was calling God a liar. This really impacted me, I felt really ashamed because I know God is not and cannot be a liar. It is impossible for God to lie, therefore this verse has to be true.

Jesus Paid it All

The Bible tells us we can go to our heavenly Father and ask for the desires of our heart in the name of Jesus and because of Who Jesus is and what He did at Calvary, God answers. God never hears you because of what you have done or because of who you are; it’s always because of Jesus. And the Father will move heaven and earth in order to honour the name of His Son.

None of us are perfect, and there are days when we are distant from God, when we change like the weather (as they say in Northern Ireland!), we can be full of faith one minute and not have any faith the next, but Jesus never changes. So come to the Father in His name, not your own name, and claim from the Father all that Jesus made possible through His death on Calvary.

Claim the healing, not just physical, but emotional also, which Jesus paid for with those stripes on his back, He took your fears, your worries, your sadness, your doubts, all your stress, your hurt and your pain, so you don’t have to. If your husband is still captive to pornography, claim freedom, in Jesus’ name because of what He did at Calvary. Claim victory over your marriage in Jesus’ name.

Pray with a sincere heart, and wait for God to answer, His timing is perfect, so be patient.

God’s Will Be Done

We are challenged in our prayer life not to pray for our will, but to pray that God’s will be done in our lives and in our world. Is your prayer more focused on knowing God’s will and working with Him or is it more on telling your needs and doing your will? Prayer is not the twisting of God’s arm in order to make Him do what we want Him to do for us but rather prayer is finding God’s divine will, coming into agreement with it, and declaring that His will be done in that situation. We should not pray selfishly, but for the glory of God. Our prayers will be answered if the ultimate aim of our prayer is to glorify the Father. If we don’t intend for God’s glory being obtained through our prayer, that prayer might not be answered. Jesus glorified His Father in everything He did while here on earth and the Bible tells us we are to be like Him.

God Will Transform your Marriage

If you want to see God transform your marriage, you need to pray consistently and specifically for the power and presence of God in your home. He allows us to be a part of His plan in bringing about change in people’s lives, whether that be our husbands, other members of our family or whoever else He may bring alongside us. Remember, though, it is always God who is using us to bring about change in the spirit of other people. We are no more able or less able to affect people to change in the physical realm than we are in the spiritual realm. It is the Holy Spirit within us that brings about the changes.

Jesus said in the next two verses, ‘You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. If you love me, you will obey what I command’

So, why not give it a try? Start today to obey and pray, so that the Father will be glorified in the Son. See what God can do!

Beauty for Ashes

Gen3x – Helping wives of men involved to sexual impurity